Finding a new home for DeMarcus Cousins

Dear Vivek Ranadivé, Vlade Divac, and the rest of the Sacramento Kings organization,

Accept it. It’s over. If you ever want to succeed, I would suggest selling the team to anyone else, preferably someone who won’t draft back to back shooting guards, or will stick with a head coach for more than one season. But, I understand you won’t sell Vivek, because that would be admitting defeat. However, you must assess the situation. You are going nowhere. No, you aren’t a bottom three team in the league, you aren’t embarrassing in that fashion (you are embarrassing in other ways but never mind that), but you aren’t in contention for a championship, you can’t even reach the 8th seed! Looking at your team, I see only one clear answer. Trade your disgruntled all star DeMarcus Cousins. He may be the only player currently filling seats, but he’s the only thing you have that carries value. Trade him, acquire multiple picks and role players, and move on. Currently, this league is being dominated by a couple of teams, two of which are historically great. The mid-level teams and others will be more than willing to throw the kitchen sink in order to have Cousins wearing their jersey. Let the guy free, let him learn what a competent organization is like, and allow him to compete like a top-10 player should. Here I have multiple trade scenarios for you to consider, but if I know your organization like I think I do, you’ll end up sending him to China or something stupid for the next great 3-point shooting shooting guard.

All hyperlinks are courtesy of the ESPN NBA Trade Machine.

Deal with the Boston Celtics

Boston acquires DeMarcus

Sacramento receives: Avery Bradley, Kelly Olynyk, Jonas Jerebko, James Young, 2016 1st round pick (courtesy of Brooklyn) and 2016 1st round pick (courtesy of Dallas)

Boston receives: DeMarcus Cousins and Caron Butler

  • TWO FIRST ROUND PICKS, BRADLEY AND OLYNYK!?! Yes, DeMarcus is worth it. Incredibly worth it. Top 10 talent doesn’t come around often, and DeMarcus fits a need the Celtics have: a number one offensive option. Building a team around Isaiah Thomas, Marcus Smart, Jae Crowder, and DeMarcus looks pretty good to me.


Deal with the Washington Wizards

Wall and Cousins Kentucky Reunion

Sacramento receives: Bradley Beal, Marcin Gortat, Kelly Oubre Jr., 2017 and 2018 1st round picks

Washington receives: DeMarcus Cousins

  • The only way this deal can happen is if Beal is included. While he has had injury issues throughout his short career, he has proven that when healthy he can be a great offensive weapon. The Wizards have no picks in the 2016 draft so they’d have to hope the future picks would be enough to entice Sacramento. But the thought of reuniting Wall and Cousins is tantalizing. I know Scott Brooks just got hired over there, but is there any way they could still talk John Calipari into the job if he had two former Wildcat all stars to coach?


Deal with the Los Angeles Lakers

Cousins dons the Purple and Gold

Sacramento receives: D’Angelo Russell, Julius Randle, Brandon Bass, 2016 1st round pick

Los Angeles receives: DeMarcus Cousins

  • Now this one definitely seems like a lot. But if this trade went down, the Lakers would have five players under salary going into next season. Just five. And if they can trade Nick “Swaggy P” Young, like they’ve wanted to for a while, they’ll have even more salary cap room. And when you approach major free agents like Kevin Durant, Al Horford, Mike Conley, etc., what sounds better? We have D’Angelo Russel and Julius Randle, the former might break the bro-code on you, or we have DeMarcus Cousins and a lot of money. Want to come be a star in L.A.?


Deal with the Chicago Bulls

Cousins moves to the Windy City

Sacramento receives: Taj Gibson, Nikola Mirotic, Doug McDermott, 2016 1st round pick, 2017 1st round pick

Chicago receives: DeMarcus Cousins

  • This Bulls team underperformed greatly this season, not making the postseason for the first time since the 2007-2008 season. With Joakim Noah almost certain to leave after tensions have arisen with the front office, and Pau Gasol definitely looking to opt out of his contract in order to make a run at a championship, the Bulls will be looking for their next big man. While that big man may be Gibson, or the young Bobby Portis, if they have a shot at DeMarcus they definitely will take a swing.


The Ridiculous Blockbuster

Cavs, Knicks, Kings Blockbuster

Sacramento receives: Kevin Love

Cleveland receives: Carmelo Anthony

New York receives: DeMarcus Cousins

  • I think this trade would shut down the internet if it actually happened. Three big names moving teams, one of which is the big market New York Knicks, and LeBron partnering up with his banana-boat buddy Melo? As they say, shit would hit the fan (sorry for the expletive). This is fun to think about, would it improve or worsen any of these situations? Nobody knows, and we never will because there’s no chance a trade like this could ever happen. I mean, there’s very little chance right? Well…it could happen…

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